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Let’s talk about one of the most uncomfortable parts of wedding planning: asking for help with the bill.
You’ve done the spreadsheets. You’ve priced the venue, the food, the dress, and the ten other things you didn’t even realize existed until three weeks ago. And now you’re staring at that bottom line and thinking, We might need backup.
As someone who’s been in this industry for two decades, I’ve seen couples navigate every possible money conversation—with grace, with fear, with frustration, and sometimes with tears. But the couples who get through it best are the ones who understand this: asking for help doesn’t make you less capable. It makes you honest.
If you and your partner are ready to invite family into the financial side of the celebration, here’s how to do it thoughtfully, respectfully, and without losing control of your vision.
Before you pick up the phone or invite anyone to lunch, sit down as a couple and get on the same page. What do you actually need? Are you asking for general help, or are you hoping someone will cover something specific—like the catering or the photographer? Are there any strings you’re not willing to attach?
I’ve worked with couples who were happy to let parents fund half the wedding and invite twenty of their friends. I’ve also worked with couples who needed $2,000 to make the numbers work but weren’t comfortable trading input for dollars. Both are valid. What matters is knowing your boundaries before someone else steps in with theirs.
One of the biggest mistakes I see is couples assuming parents or relatives should contribute. The truth? Today’s weddings don’t follow the old rulebook. Maybe your mom paid for your sister’s wedding, but that doesn’t mean she’s in a position to do the same again. Maybe your grandparents are generous but have been hit with unexpected medical expenses. Or maybe your aunt—who’s offered to help—has visions of coordinating your centerpieces and making all the decisions if she writes a check.
This is why how you ask is everything.
Be gracious. Be direct. And above all, be respectful of the fact that they might say no.
Try something like:
“We’ve been mapping out the wedding budget, and we’re able to cover a good portion ourselves, but we wanted to see if you’d be open to contributing in any way. Absolutely no pressure—we’re grateful either way.”
That one sentence keeps it warm, clear, and low-pressure. You’re asking, not expecting. You’re offering them a chance to say yes without guilt—and to say no without shame.
When family says they’d like to help, most couples don’t know what to do next. They say “thank you,” assume the check will arrive, and then get confused when it doesn’t. Or worse—they do receive help, but the giver expects control over that area.
You don’t need a contract, but you do need a shared understanding. That will save you from awkward texts two months from now when the cake deposit is due and you’re unsure if the money your aunt offered is still coming—or ever was.
Let me give you an example. A few years ago, I had a groom whose mother offered—very generously—to pay for the wedding flowers. Everyone was thrilled. Until she announced that she had already contacted a florist she liked, made selections, and insisted on peonies as the focal flower. The wedding was in December. The bride had her heart set on an earthy, wintery arrangement with eucalyptus and ivory roses. Peonies, of course, were not only out of season but would have needed to be flown in at three times the cost. Cue tears, tension, and a last-minute vendor pivot.
The lesson? Contributions are wonderful, but they often come with expectations. Clarify early who gets to make the decisions tied to each contribution—and be honest with yourself about whether you’re okay with that.
This is the part nobody wants to say out loud—but I will, because I’ve watched it unfold too many times.
When someone offers to pay for part of your wedding, they might also want a seat at the decision-making table. That can show up in subtle ways: requesting certain guests be invited, wanting to choose the vendor, or having opinions on the aesthetic. Sometimes, it’s said with love. Other times, it’s not.
You have to decide ahead of time what you’re comfortable compromising—and what you’re not. If you know that accepting help from a certain relative is going to come with friction, it’s okay to decline. You can say, “We’re so grateful for the offer, but we’ve decided to keep this part of the planning in our hands.”
No explanation needed beyond that. You’re allowed to protect your peace.
Asking for money doesn’t have to feel transactional. At its core, it’s just another form of communication—one that calls for honesty, boundaries, and a little humility.
Lead with gratitude. Be upfront about what you need. Accept with grace. And if someone can’t—or won’t—help? Don’t let that shift your joy. You can still create a beautiful, intentional wedding with whatever you’ve got in your corner.
I’ve seen weddings paid for entirely by the couple, others funded 100% by family, and everything in between. What they all had in common wasn’t the money—it was the heart. The ones that felt best were the ones where the couple made decisions with clarity, not confusion.
So go ahead—make the ask. The worst they can say is no. And if they say yes? Be prepared to navigate that generosity with the same care you’d want if the roles were reversed.
– Bailey J.
